__________When you're in a bad mood, Marti the McDonald's worker will inevitably cheer you up. And then every time you walk in the place, you will creepily scope out the cashiers for any sign of her, determined that someday you will have an actual conversation.
__________
When someone gifts you a trip to Slovakia, go. But beware of climbing on castle ruins, because an Asian man may begin taking pictures of you and all your friends. If a picture is worth a thousand words, before long, he will know you better than anyone.
__________
Make your Mom cry. With love.
__________
Instructions for driving a 19-something-something Camero:
- Fasten inconsequential lap seatbelt.
- Listen to the pre-drive lecture from Father.
- Insert cousin into co-pilot position.
- Cousin mans the shifting mechanism.
- Go.
- Faster.
- Faster.
- FASTER.
- Do not drive off the road.
- Identify Father. Slow rapidly.
__________
Date your friends. It's fun. And tasty.
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